fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
