Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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