The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We have started to decorate penises.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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