I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
