I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
