who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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