She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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