I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
