So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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