i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
