i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
