everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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