Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
