I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
