Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
