I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
