I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
