so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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