This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
