dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
