I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
