there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
