Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
