You work out of a Hotel?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
