another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
