Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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