Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
