if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
