how can u be prego again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
