why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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