Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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