Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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