Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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