so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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