when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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