Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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