All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
