it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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