He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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