there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
