I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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