Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
