the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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