Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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