I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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