Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
