Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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