you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
