I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
