It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
