playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
