TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
