i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
